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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

All the Love in the Universe

I was meeting my friend George for casual dinner. Unexpectedly he had brought along his cousin, Anna. George and I were colleagues in the computer business. We usually spent our meetings, even the casual ones, talking about technical matters. But Anna's presence changed all that. She was a tall attractive blonde woman. There was something vivacious about her and a little whimsical. Being the analytical type myself this was not usually the kind of person I was attracted to. But with Anna there, I found it easy to put aside all the technical talk and just be in the moment sharing things about myself in a way that I surprised myself.

Soon after dinner George said goodnight and left the two of us there in the restaurant to talk into the night. After Anna and I parted and I walked alone to the subway to make my way home, I found my mind buzzing with all that we had shared and I had that light “walking on air feeling”. I knew I was going to see Anna again. We had promised to reconnect.

It was several days later I contacted Anna to meet me for dinner. We went out to a small busy diner that specialized in chicken. We sat across from each other at a little round table for two. We had ordered our meal and were waiting for it to arrive. Suddenly Anna reached across the table and grabbed both of my hands. She looked into my eyes and she said "let's give each other all the love in the universe". I continued to hold her hands but I felt my psychic body step back. I hardly knew this woman and she was offering me and asking from me "all the love in the universe". My body language betrayed me. Was I worthy of all the love in the universe? Where was I going to get all the love in the universe to give? There was only one answer to her proposal and that answer was an unequivocal yes. But I couldn't say it. My mind was busy conjuring up the images of all the challenges that might lie ahead for this capricious woman and me if I were to say yes. I was afraid. We both knew it was going to end there. We finished our dinner exchanging polite platitudes and I walked her home and we said goodnight. Later that week, intrigued by what happened I called her several more times but she wouldn't see me. Several months later I heard from George that Anna had met some engineer and they were to be married.

That was more than 20 years ago. It has taken this long for me to begin to understand what happened with Anna that night across the table. It has taken this long to understand that I do have all the love in the universe available to me from an inexhaustible source and it can flow through me to others. Anna was not a great sage although she tested me mightily and I came up lacking. She was just a human being who, unlike myself, was courageous (or desperate) enough to ask for what she needed, the thing that we all need, the only truly worthwhile thing we have to give each other, "all the love in the universe".


Blogger Katie said...

... an exquisitely tender and vulnerable revelation. Beautiful.

10:59 AM  

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