The Examined Life

My Photo
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I love People

What is it about human beings that I find so awesome, so powerful and so divine that all the judgments can fall away and I am left with a feeling of connectedness that transcends space and time.

It is the certain knowledge that each of us is not our past, our future or the things that we have done or could do in the future, but that we have the ability and potential to re-create ourselves in whole or in part at any moment to be something wholly new and unique.

What does it mean to re-create oneself and what does that look like? It means to do or be something we have never been before, maybe something we told ourselves we could never do or be. It looks like a baby taking a first step. It looks like taking risks. It looks like saying yes after a thousand no's. It looks like trusting. It looks like creating something unique and beautiful. It looks like loving after a thousand disappointments. It looks like courage. It looks like being alive.

Monday, January 10, 2005

It’s Existential, My Dear Watson

The original quote from Sherlock Holmes of course was "It's elementary, my dear Watson". I use this play on words to illustrate, like it or not, that the nature of reality which we as human beings face is, at its most fundamental level, existential.

Before writing this I started by looking up both the definitions of philosophy and existentialism. I found that even a word as common as philosophy has several different connotations depending on the context in which is used. For my purposes here I took the definition below.

Philosophy: A theory underlying or regarding a sphere of activity or thought.

Using this definition then, with regard to the sphere of activity or thought that we call life or existence, existentialism is a theory underlying the way life or human existence works.
Existentialism is a philosophy that I believe has earned a particularly bad rap. The average person I believe considers existentialism to be quite obscure and difficult to understand and possibly even dangerous. It has been said that some of the early exponents of existentialism actually committed suicide. However, when I looked up the definition of existentialism, I found that it was expressing something with regard to human existence that is really quite basic and fundamental to human existence. You might even say, "It's elementary". Here is the definition I found.

Existentialism: A chiefly 20th century philosophical movement embracing diverse doctrines but centering on analysis of individual in an unfathomable universe and the plight of the individual who must assume ultimate responsibility for his acts of free will without any certain knowledge of what is right or wrong or good or bad.

There are two parts to this definition to which I want to call your attention. The first part tells us that the universe is unfathomable and that any certain knowledge of right or wrong or good or bad is beyond our grasp. I can certainly see why human beings would want to reject this assertion. We human beings just love to be "right". There is something satisfying to the ego about having all the right answers. It's as though we feel that if somehow if we have the right answers we are in control. If we can convince others that we have the right answer we can exert power over them. Politicians do this all the time.

It is becoming clear now why I am contending that existentialism has gotten such a bad rap. Human beings don't want to accept that the universe could be unfathomable. And yet if we have the courage to explore this possibility logically, the evidence for it abounds.

Many years ago I came across an anecdotal dialogue between two people in which one person was telling a story. The person listening to the story responded only by making judgments and jumping to conclusions. You may have heard this anecdotal dialogue. It went something like this...

Person one: I went a plane ride.
Person two: That's good!

Person one: I jumped out of the plane.
Person two: That's bad!

Person one: No, I had a parachute.
Person two: That's good!

Person one: No, I forgot my parachute!
Person two: That's bad!

Person one: No, I landed in a haystack.
Person two: That's good!

Person one: No, there was a pitchfork in the haystack!
Person two: That's bad!

Person one: No, I missed the pitchfork.
Person two: That's good!

This anecdotal dialogue reveals the existential nature of our existence. What the existential philosophy is telling us is that we can never know how the choices that we make or the things we do will ultimately play out. And yet every day we fight battles (wars) with each other, large and small, over what we believe is right and wrong. It's no wonder existentialism is not popular. Human beings are just not ready to accept the possibility that the ultimate rightness or wrongness of anything is outside the purview of what humans can know. That great response from Jack Nicholson in the film A Few Good Men comes to mind. "You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth." Human beings are just not ready to face the possibility that there is no ultimate truth. Maybe this is why some of the early existential philosophers supposedly committed suicide. They just didn't have the courage to live in the world where there was no ultimate right or wrong. And the rest of us prefer to live in complete denial of this possibility. What kind of a world would it be if there were no judgments? Would it be the Garden of Eden? Would it be as it had been before Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

The second part of the definition of existential philosophy that I want to investigate is the notion that we, as individuals, must assume ultimate responsibility for our acts of free will. No wonder this philosophy is so unpopular. It is telling us that we cannot blame others under any circumstances for the things that we do. If there were anything that human beings could feel more adamant about than the concept of being "right", it would be the concept that when things go so-called "wrong" it's not their fault.

Now this is where existentialism really gets interesting. Human beings typically act because they believe in the ultimate rightness or wrongness of their actions. If they believe that an action will produce a particular result and they have judged that result to be the "right" result, they will proceed with the action. On the other hand if they believe that an action will produce the so-called "wrong" result, they will refrain from that action and choose another action that they perceive will produce the "right" result. Under these circumstances if the results that they believe will occur suddenly reverse, then the human being will need to reverse the action he or she takes in response. Wow, it sounds like we are acting like puppets. We are making the result be responsible for our action. If it occurs to us that the result that will ensue from our action has changed, we then must modify our action accordingly. All this sounds quite logical but a closer look will reveal that it has absolutely nothing to do with exercising free will.

Again, although we insist we are acting out of free will we are merely reacting to circumstances as we perceive them. What I am suggesting is that free will is something quite different, something most human beings have never really exercised before. To illustrate what I mean I will use the words of a popular (or not so popular) TV personality that many of us love to hate, Dr. Phil.

On many occasions I have heard Dr. Phil point out the difference between making the "right" decision and making the decision "right". At first this sounds like just doublespeak. But hidden inside these words is the key to acting out of free will as opposed to acting based on circumstances. To illustrate I will provide an example here.

Let's say to you and your spouse decide to adopt a child. You consider all the circumstances and the possible outcomes however, there is information hidden from you that the child may develop a serious mental illness. Had you known this ahead of time you probably would not have adopted the child. You would logically feel the decision to adopt this child under the circumstances would be "wrong" and you can find a lot of people that would agree with you because there was a "good reason" for your decision. Now you can spend a lot of time blaming the adoption agency, yourself or even the child when the mental illness becomes apparent in the teenage years. Or you can exercise free will in the face of all the circumstances, you can choose to "make the decision right" by finding the courage every day to stay in touch with the love you feel for your adopted child. Now I'm going to suggest something absolutely outrageous.

Now let's go back to the time the baby was adopted but this time you are informed that there is the possibility that a serious mental illness may develop years later. But out of sheer love, determination and courage and in the face of all logic and reasons that would bode future failure and hardship you decide to adopt the child regardless.

Now we are just beginning to touch on the kind of power we have at our disposal as human beings have when we truly exercise free will.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Epiphany

If you are really lucky, at some point in your life you will discover who you truly are. You will look back at your life and everything you did and thought will immediately make sense. You will discover that your ignorance and denial of who you are has been the only real source of all your suffering. At this point the experience of your life will change so that all your choices become clear and obvious. At every juncture you will be faced with only one ultimate question, “Do I act in accordance with who I truly am or do I pretend to be ignorant, deny being who I am and sell out?” It will be clear that it is not circumstances that cause you to suffer but your failure to be who you are in the face of those circumstances. You will realize that regardless of what you thought before it has always been this way. You will know that circumstances and outcomes are beyond your control and that the only real choice you have is to just be who you are. You will no longer feel the need to alter circumstances or achieve results for you will know your role is to remain in character in the face of all the circumstances regardless of what they may be and that you are part of a drama that will play out throughout eternity that is beyond human comprehension.

You will accept who you are and trust that choosing to be who you are is the most powerful choice you have. In this certainty you will find an inner peace that you have never known before.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

When I was 35, it was a very good year.

Michael from Mountains

I Am A Seeker

It was Socrates who is credited with having said "the unexamined life is not worth living". Although I cannot entirely agree because I feel that all of our lives are indeed worth living, I must admit that I personally, could not live my life content as a mere observer or passenger.

For me, examining my life gives me at least the illusion that I can understand enough to make choices that will ultimately influence the direction of my life in a way that will allow me to feel fulfilled.

I have discovered that I am (and have ever been) a seeker. But what is really important is that I have finally made peace with being a seeker. I have made peace with it because for me there is nothing (in particular) to find and nowhere to get to. Instead there is everything to find and everywhere to go.

When asked "Why do you want to climb Mt. Everest?" George Mallory was quoted as saying "Because it is there." When I ask myself "Why live my life?", the answer that comes is pretty well the same.